maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
