He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
