I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize