On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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