I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
