but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
