even my farts smell like vagina
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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