Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
