So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
