I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
