i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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