I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Randomize
