Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
