i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
