wakey wakey hands off snakey
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
