I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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