You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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