I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
