too bad you live with your parents still
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
