I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
