so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
