C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
