I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
