I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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