I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
