Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
