He kissed a someone with a penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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