Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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