So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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