Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
