FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize