i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
