Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
