That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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