what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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