He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
