if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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