At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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