so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
