i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
