I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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