The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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