I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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