somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize