Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
