you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
