Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
