I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is wine microwaveable?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
