the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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