Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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