Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
