apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
