why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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