He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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