I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
