So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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