I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
