Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
