feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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