I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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