I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
