from now on my penis is your penis
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
