There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
