Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
