what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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