The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
