dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
