he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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