My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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