AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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