i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
