I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
