I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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