the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
