Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
