so that wasnt chicken after all
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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