Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize