I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
