dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
