Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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