I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
