Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you win again, gameday.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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