My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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