I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
