The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize