I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
