ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
