Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
