I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
