Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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