I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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