I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
