Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
