I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize